Dear Judge Cobos,
I’ll keep this short and simple. You just promise to do the same with any upcoming plea deals if things happen to go that way for you.
Looks like you and Chef Boyardee (Jaime O. Perez) have been at it again. Your old nemesis, David Crowder, dug up the bodies again. If I were you, I’d take his shovel away or stop burying the bodies. Just send him a fax whenever you are going to start sending money from your PAC to candidates and fail to file the info with the Texas Ethics Commission – it will save both of you time.
Speaking of time… You couldn’t really comment on the matter because you were too busy with the “swine flu.” You were obviously too busy to read the memo where the feds asked that we call it the “H1N1 virus.” You’re in enough trouble, you don’t need to slander pigs while you’re at it.
You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little curious as to what you are doing in relation to the H1N1 pandemic. Let me be the first to nominate Alex Lozano as our county “flu Czar” during these difficult times. I have a recurring dream where he addresses the entire nation as our representative here in El Paso. You can make that dream come true for all of us. Make it happen.
I can tell you one thing; money in its cash form has a lot of germs on it. Thank God we know that you’ve been alleged to handle your cash in your office bathroom close to a sink. I knew you were a thinking man.
There I go, getting off track being worried about your health again. I digress.
I can assume from the article written by your buddy Crowder that you’re starting your global domination effort in Horizon, Texas. Did you even consider Fabens? What about Socorro or Canutillo? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Tornillo has canceled their annual “Judge Cobos Appreciation Day” parade and carnival. Apparently they are pretty mad.
To be honest with you, I’m not sure Horizon is ready for a big city judge like you to take over things in that little town. They got a McDonalds and a Burger King last year and your presence now may be a little too much excitement for them to handle all at one time.
I know a little place like Horizon seems like a good step for anyone with their sights on global domination, but they really surprised both you and I with their attention to paper work. Looks like a couple of candidates who couldn’t remember taking money from your PAC did remember to report that money on their campaign finance reports. Too bad your crew over at the PAC couldn’t keep up with the rigorous details of paper work like your candidates did in Horizon. Looks like your global domination plans are in jeopardy over a lack of attention to detail. It will be a hell of a story to tell the grandkids someday, though.
I really wanted to focus just on Horizon here, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you about this whole Alex Lozano situation that’s brewing. Please read on if you can spare the time from saving us from the H1N1 virus.
When you handed Lozano that little gem about Councilwoman Acosta I bet you thought he’d follow directions to keep your nose clean. You thought wrong. Trusting him is the same thing as giving a fat kid the keys to your candy closet for safe keeping.
I can’t believe the kind of people you surround yourself with. If they aren’t turncoats they’re incompetent. What kind of political machine is that? You can’t put all your eggs in an Alex Lozano basket and expect to have something to eat later.
I don’t know where you do your recruiting, but you need to change something. I’d offer to help, but I’m too busy trying to get Councilwoman Quintana to hire me as her assistant.
I wish you luck on your future global domination efforts. Remember that in this situation the pen was mightier than the sword. Although if you were to run around with a sword on your hip telling people what to do I’d probably vote for you if I was allowed to call you “Napoleon.”
Love
David Karlsruher (not a member of the news media)
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