When I think about who could have a blog that gets way more clicks than I could ever dream of, I always think of Norma Chavez. There is not a single person out there that can match the kind of insanity she brings to the table and that's what the people want. Too bad she's unaware of her potential...
Norma has been blogging for just over five minutes now and she's getting frustrated. In her latest post she takes us through Kubler-Ross' first stage of grief - denial.
(Read all about Kubler-Ross' stages of grief HERE because I'm going to be referring to them as Norma devolves.)
Norma first states that she has "6,000 views" since January 3, 2012, which breaks my heart for two reasons.
First of all, the "New Years Resolution" blogger never lasts. The New Years Resolution bloggers starts writing for all the wrong reasons and thus usually burns out pretty quickly. You should start a blog because you have things to write about and that kind of inspiration doesn't start or stop with any particular date on the calendar. The New Years Resolution blogger has always wanted to start a blog because they think they might want one, but can't muster the inspiration to do it without the help of an arbitrary celebration of time passage and the traditions associated with it. Her start date for a blog and the potential success of that blog coincide with the statistics of those who decide to start working out as a New Years resolution - about two months.
The second heart breaking part of the admission is that she's probably making that number up, or she's been sitting there punching F5 (reload) waiting for people to comment on her blog. The bottom line is that she has roughly 222 page views a day - not unique users. If a person clicks on five seperate posts, they get counted five different times. Divide 222 by five and you get more of a sense of the number of peopel visiting Norma's blog. Although she does admit she has people from a bunch of European countries following her blog which usually means her domain name may be being used in phishing or spam scams, which would explain the traffic - either way, having people from Germany and the Ukraine on your El Paso blog means something bad is happening.
Poor Norma hasn't found any early success with her blog and she's entering the aforementioned first stage of grief. She's going to convince herself and the world that she's got one hell of a blog and that she is kicking ass! She's even going to expand her topic range! Poor, poor Norma.
She does admit that her most read posts are the ones where she's talking about Coounty Judge Veronica Escobar, which makes sense. Escobar's entire crew is very perceptive to their names being used anywhere on the internet and they will forwarded the link to everyone they know with a plea of "can you believe what this woman is saying about Veronica! OMG I can't believe it!" The same thing happens on my blog when I mention Escobar, Cobos or Norma Chavez. Those names will drive traffic to those specific posts, but not to others on the same page. Those names attract people looking only for information on those people - they do not become regular readers of your blog. Believe me, if I could turn the type of numbers Chavez brings to my blog on every post, I'd have every car dealer in town and anyone else with advertising dollars fighting over space on my blog. The reality is - they are just spikes in traffic directly related to certain subjects.
Norma's new plan of attack is one straight out of the "How To Make My Blog Worse" book. She wants to talk about more than just politics... Why? Nobody cares what Norma thinks about art. Nobody cares what Norma thinks about history. Nobody cares about anything Norma has to say other than her thoughts on politics! Why would she venture away from the only thing that makes her remotely interesting?
If Norma would just simply pick a political person she doesn't like and write all the unfiltered awful opinions she has about them, she'd be the most popular blogger in the history of blogging. It appears that Norma doesn't understand how she manages to stay a topic of discussion - it's all of those moments when Norma is just being Norma. It's like watching a guy drive a Buick off of a tall building - the carnage never ceases to entertain even though you know how it ends every single time.
What Norma doesn't understand is that people don't have to like you to read your blog. In fact, it's better that they hate your guts. Most of the people who read my blog want me to die a painful, slow death and preferably by their own hand. That means they spend a lot of their day reading my blog fueling that fire of hatred for me so they can reinforce their dislike of me. It's a special kind of self-torture that shoots my numbers through the roof.
Also - she accuses Jaime and I of writing a bunch of "chisme" - well that's the key to our success and if she doesn't want to be succesful by following along, that's her perogotive. Which magazine do you think sells more copies - Us Weekly or The Economist? Exactly - nobody cares about the facts, they want the juice. And by all accounts, Norma is the biggest gossip spreader on the face of the earth and it's considered one of her greatest strengths - why would she want to walk away from her super power?
Right now I want to speak directly to Norma, so the next part is for her.
I'm here to help you be a successful blogger. I have nothing but hope for the entertainment you can provide all of us. Let me suggest the next few topics of your blog so that you can become the #1 blogger in town. Follow my direction here and you can own the world - at least the part of it that is El Paso. Here we go:
1. Senator Eliot Shapleigh - what do you think of him? What's the worst thing you ever heard of him doing in Austin?
2. Beto O'Rourke - if you could introduce him to people who have never met him before, what would you say about him?
3. Representative Naomi Gonzalez - what's the deal with her? How come a pretty young lady like that doesn't have a steady beaux?
4. Mayor Cook - got any advice for this guy? What should he run for next?
5. Jaime Abeytia and David K - what would you torture them with and who would you invite to watch?
6. County Judge Veronica Escobar - if you could compare her to any historical leader in the world, who would it be and why?
That list should get you through next week and they are sure to be pure blogging gold. I'm getting excited just thinking about how you might write each post! Remember, don't filter yourself. Write your first thoughts, not the ones you run through any kind of process of reasoning. Blogging is about putting yourself out there, not editing yourself. Be free, be wild and most importantly - BE NORMA!