When I think about who could have a blog that gets way more clicks than I could ever dream of, I always think of Norma Chavez. There is not a single person out there that can match the kind of insanity she brings to the table and that's what the people want. Too bad she's unaware of her potential...
Norma has been blogging for just over five minutes now and she's getting frustrated. In her latest post she takes us through Kubler-Ross' first stage of grief - denial.
(Read all about Kubler-Ross' stages of grief HERE because I'm going to be referring to them as Norma devolves.)
Norma first states that she has "6,000 views" since January 3, 2012, which breaks my heart for two reasons.
First of all, the "New Years Resolution" blogger never lasts. The New Years Resolution bloggers starts writing for all the wrong reasons and thus usually burns out pretty quickly. You should start a blog because you have things to write about and that kind of inspiration doesn't start or stop with any particular date on the calendar. The New Years Resolution blogger has always wanted to start a blog because they think they might want one, but can't muster the inspiration to do it without the help of an arbitrary celebration of time passage and the traditions associated with it. Her start date for a blog and the potential success of that blog coincide with the statistics of those who decide to start working out as a New Years resolution - about two months.
The second heart breaking part of the admission is that she's probably making that number up, or she's been sitting there punching F5 (reload) waiting for people to comment on her blog. The bottom line is that she has roughly 222 page views a day - not unique users. If a person clicks on five seperate posts, they get counted five different times. Divide 222 by five and you get more of a sense of the number of peopel visiting Norma's blog. Although she does admit she has people from a bunch of European countries following her blog which usually means her domain name may be being used in phishing or spam scams, which would explain the traffic - either way, having people from Germany and the Ukraine on your El Paso blog means something bad is happening.
Poor Norma hasn't found any early success with her blog and she's entering the aforementioned first stage of grief. She's going to convince herself and the world that she's got one hell of a blog and that she is kicking ass! She's even going to expand her topic range! Poor, poor Norma.
She does admit that her most read posts are the ones where she's talking about Coounty Judge Veronica Escobar, which makes sense. Escobar's entire crew is very perceptive to their names being used anywhere on the internet and they will forwarded the link to everyone they know with a plea of "can you believe what this woman is saying about Veronica! OMG I can't believe it!" The same thing happens on my blog when I mention Escobar, Cobos or Norma Chavez. Those names will drive traffic to those specific posts, but not to others on the same page. Those names attract people looking only for information on those people - they do not become regular readers of your blog. Believe me, if I could turn the type of numbers Chavez brings to my blog on every post, I'd have every car dealer in town and anyone else with advertising dollars fighting over space on my blog. The reality is - they are just spikes in traffic directly related to certain subjects.
Norma's new plan of attack is one straight out of the "How To Make My Blog Worse" book. She wants to talk about more than just politics... Why? Nobody cares what Norma thinks about art. Nobody cares what Norma thinks about history. Nobody cares about anything Norma has to say other than her thoughts on politics! Why would she venture away from the only thing that makes her remotely interesting?
If Norma would just simply pick a political person she doesn't like and write all the unfiltered awful opinions she has about them, she'd be the most popular blogger in the history of blogging. It appears that Norma doesn't understand how she manages to stay a topic of discussion - it's all of those moments when Norma is just being Norma. It's like watching a guy drive a Buick off of a tall building - the carnage never ceases to entertain even though you know how it ends every single time.
What Norma doesn't understand is that people don't have to like you to read your blog. In fact, it's better that they hate your guts. Most of the people who read my blog want me to die a painful, slow death and preferably by their own hand. That means they spend a lot of their day reading my blog fueling that fire of hatred for me so they can reinforce their dislike of me. It's a special kind of self-torture that shoots my numbers through the roof.
Also - she accuses Jaime and I of writing a bunch of "chisme" - well that's the key to our success and if she doesn't want to be succesful by following along, that's her perogotive. Which magazine do you think sells more copies - Us Weekly or The Economist? Exactly - nobody cares about the facts, they want the juice. And by all accounts, Norma is the biggest gossip spreader on the face of the earth and it's considered one of her greatest strengths - why would she want to walk away from her super power?
Right now I want to speak directly to Norma, so the next part is for her.
Norma -
I'm here to help you be a successful blogger. I have nothing but hope for the entertainment you can provide all of us. Let me suggest the next few topics of your blog so that you can become the #1 blogger in town. Follow my direction here and you can own the world - at least the part of it that is El Paso. Here we go:
1. Senator Eliot Shapleigh - what do you think of him? What's the worst thing you ever heard of him doing in Austin?
2. Beto O'Rourke - if you could introduce him to people who have never met him before, what would you say about him?
3. Representative Naomi Gonzalez - what's the deal with her? How come a pretty young lady like that doesn't have a steady beaux?
4. Mayor Cook - got any advice for this guy? What should he run for next?
5. Jaime Abeytia and David K - what would you torture them with and who would you invite to watch?
6. County Judge Veronica Escobar - if you could compare her to any historical leader in the world, who would it be and why?
That list should get you through next week and they are sure to be pure blogging gold. I'm getting excited just thinking about how you might write each post! Remember, don't filter yourself. Write your first thoughts, not the ones you run through any kind of process of reasoning. Blogging is about putting yourself out there, not editing yourself. Be free, be wild and most importantly - BE NORMA!
Too funny. No matter what though - I'm not going to read Norma's blog. Haven't done it yet and don't plan to.
Posted by: blog addict | January 31, 2012 at 10:59 AM
Free advice for Norma Chavez, you are kind. Now I'm pissed that you never wrote about my blog http://evanstonnewbie.blogspot.com/ which I started on a warm day in June and promised to keep alive for only one year.
Posted by: Lisa Degliantoni | January 31, 2012 at 11:00 AM
sorry wrong post
I like Norma's, DavidK and JA blogs, I read them all.
But as far as the blogasphere in general I think the google panda thing is working against bloggers. SEO is a big war mostly for cash. Panda was mostly a attempt to flush google of all the crap out there. Politics included.
Posted by: Carl Starr | January 31, 2012 at 12:08 PM
As Jaime has said before, she's struggling to stay relevant. She also wants to try to be "good Norma" who plugs the local music and art scene (and the poor locals she plugs are humiliated, btw), but "angry" (and probably mentally ill) Norma takes over the keyboards in the middle of the night. I think I have gone from laughing to feeling sorry for her. She really is a pathetic person.
Posted by: mental health | January 31, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Lisa - I'm sorry. I will totally pimp the blog as the first post tomorrow - my bad.
Posted by: David K | January 31, 2012 at 01:01 PM
Speaking of butts, check out this funny parody. http://youtu.be/4KE4K6VQnvo
Posted by: alex | February 02, 2012 at 04:27 AM
Is this the same Sylvia Borunda Firth who's sister is engaged to Presi Ortega.
Guess that Housing contract is coming back!
Posted by: l medina | February 02, 2012 at 11:25 AM
It's disgusting to learn what a bloated hypocrite Norma "Ms. Piggy with a tan" Chavez truly is. She mentions that she would like to see more local bloggers and then calls Jaime and David names like 'Criminal Blogger' and 'WASM'. It's because she wants more people blogging UNLESS they damage her bloated ego buy saying unkind things about her. Ms. Piggy truly has some insecurity "issues" that she needs to deal with. BTW - I thought Criminal Blogger and WASM were the villians in the next Batman movie.
Or how about the fact that she helped play a role in stopping the feds from distibuting inspection stickers instead of the local 'ma and pa' operations during the early '90s? I mean, Ms. Piggy loves "Mr. Federal-rules-over-the-states, fascist" that's occupying the White House, BUT if it effects her wallet (or her parents' wallet) then and only then are the feds over-stepping there bounds. If her parents never owned a gas station, do you really think she would give a rat's ass about the feds distributing inspection stickers?
Ms. Piggy is truly a bloated, souless, hypocrite.
Posted by: WAYtooSMARTforTHIScrowd | February 02, 2012 at 10:59 PM
WAYtooSMARTforTHIScrowd - You fault Norma for name calling yet your post is full of name calling? You are a hypocrite and way to dumb for this crowd.
Posted by: SmarterThanYou | February 04, 2012 at 02:53 PM
*too
Posted by: SmarterThanYou | February 04, 2012 at 02:54 PM
The point that I was OBVIOUSLY making was not that she was calling Jaime and David names, but rather that the reason she gave those two fake names is because she doesn't want people going to their blogs. Given the fact that she goes to those blogs, and tells everyone that she wishes there were more local bloggers, but then won't disclose Jaime's or David's blogs is the hypocracy that I'm criticizing.
The reason that she won't mention their blogs is only because negative things are said about her, and her fragile ego can't take it. Poor little baby. BTW - is this Ms. Piggy? Hey Ms. Piggy, I'm waving at the computer screen as an attempt at being friendly. (:-D)
Posted by: WAYtooSMARTforTHIScrowd | February 05, 2012 at 07:36 AM
No, I am not Norma nor a fan of hers. Just pointing out how ridiculous your own hypocrisy is....and you can't even see it.
Posted by: SmarterThanYou | February 05, 2012 at 08:40 AM
Dear delusional dumbass, Either show us which line that says that I 'fault' Ms. Piggy for name calling or do yourself a favor and get some much-needed psychiatric help for your delusions. BTW - Why did ignore the lenghty explanation that I gave to your ridiculous assertion? I have an even better question: Why do stupid animals such as yourself usually do the most breeding?
Posted by: WAYtooSMARTforTHIScrowd | February 05, 2012 at 05:33 PM
Sorry if you are too stupid to follow logic. You are an immature name caller who attacks others for....name calling. Your "explanation" does not negate this fact. Thanks for continuing to prove my points each time you post.
Posted by: SmarterThanYou | February 05, 2012 at 07:31 PM
Don't worry folks, I'm now too bored with e-jousting with this retarded monkey any longer. Otherwise I would ask the retarded monkey why she still doesn't have the honesty or intelligence to answer my question. Or I could point out the hypocracy the retarded monkey is making by insinuating that if she's so "bothered" by my insults, then why does she insult me? I mean, you could show the error of my ways without being insulting and yet all you do is insult without making a coherent/rational/intelligent point to back it up. I'm very bombastic, the difference is is that I back it up. But like I said, I'm done dealing with the retarded monkey. Congrats to the Giants for slaying Goliath.
Posted by: WAYtooSMARTforTHIScrowd | February 05, 2012 at 10:43 PM
Again, thanks for proving my point. Your questions are answered in my posts. You seem to lack reading comprehension skills and you also obviously don't know the meaning of words you use, like hypocrisy. I am not insulting you, just pointing out facts that are backed up in your own posts. Have a good evening.
Posted by: SmarterThanYou | February 05, 2012 at 11:15 PM