Every year El Paso gets its underwear pulled up it's butt and shoved into a locker by the fans of the teams coming to play in the Sun Bowl. And every year El Pasoans take offense to the treatment and respond by validating the criticism of the city by listing what they think is cool to do in El Paso. This year is no different.
In response to yet another well-deserved knock on the city by a USC fan, the El Paso Times put together a list of things to do and it's about as disconnected from the rest of the planet as you would expect it to be. You can suffer through it HERE.
The crux of the author's argument is simple - a famous rock star complimented the Plaza Theatre, so El Paso must be the greatest undiscovered destination on earth. It's kind of hard to make that leap considering the relative size of the theatre compared to the entire city, but the El Paso Times gladly makes that leap so they can go on to completely embarrass themselves in print - again.
I will take their bullet points in the order they presented them.
Plaza Theatre- It's kind of neat, but it's really only as cool as the entertainment on the stage. Looking at the ceiling of an empty, quiet theatre gets old after about 15 seconds. Almost every medium-sized or larger city in the country has the same exact thing with the same back story. History took place in more places than just downtown in El Paso. I truly hate to break that to all of you.
And let's be honest, telling people who are coming for the Sun Bowl game that the Plaza Theatre is a "destination" in El Paso would be kind of useless. The last show starts and ends on December 18, 2012 and the place doesn't have another event until January 15, 2013 (calendar HERE). USC fans, as of right now, can only meander around the outside of the building wondering what all the fuss is about.
And in the spirit of honesty, I do have to relate something that has been said a million times by musicians and sound techs about the place - the acoustics are terrible. Everybody prefers the Abraham Chavez Theatre to the Plaza Theatre for musical events. The community foundation has forced everything into the Plaza Theatre because they want everyone to love their project and it has come at the expense of the quality of the musical performances. However, if they didn't have the terrible sounding music events at the Plaza, there'd be stretches of months without anything going on there at all. Makes you wonder if the investment was worth it.
Find a list of nearly 100 other "historic theatres" in Texas HERE.
Night Life- El Paso doesn't really have a "night life." There are places that serve alcohol at a great price where you can get stabbed for free. Cincinnati Street was cool four years ago and has since turned into a place where young men go to get drunk and fight. The downtown depot district is a similar story with the added annoyance of the tens of thousands of teenagers who are just "hanging out" drinking water and smoking.
On top of all that, there are no cabs in El Paso. Having one too many means either breaking the law by driving back to your hotel, or walking five miles back to your hotel - either way, not conducive of a good "night life."
There are a few factors that contribute to the bars being terrible in El Paso, but I won't get into them here. Just know that anyone from somewhere else will be appalled at what you call "night life." They may ask if you meant to say "knife life."
Just to put this in perspective - I lived in El Paso for years and my favorite bar was my back porch. In Arlington, Virginia I don't even drink at home because I have too many places that I love to choose from and they are all walking distance away. And the only fights they have are two people arguing over who's the most sorry for bumping into the other.
El Paso Museum of Art- Nobody wants to see the museum of art in a mid-size West Texas city. As the article states "it's not the Getty." Enough said. It's not a top notch art gallery for many reasons and most of them are out of El Paso's control.
People don't go to art galleries. Most of us don't care. In DC the emptiest museums are the National Gallery of Art and the National Portrait Gallery. I walk by the portrait gallery almost daily and wouldn't go in unless it was hailing burning bowling balls. I know exactly one person who has been in there and their story about their visit is the best sleep aide I've ever come across.
Wyler Aerial Tramway - Besides being prohibitively expensive for something you'd have more fun walking to, it's plainly not fun. I can't tell you how many times I have taken people up there than they've asked/remarked "so... this is it?" The tourist shop is the most laughable thing I've ever seen with the crappiest, most idiotic merchandise the world outside of El Paso has ever seen. It's 5,600 feet in the air, not 10,000. It's not that novel.
However, I think it's funny to feed out-of-towners a Roscoe burger or Chico's before you go up the the tramway so at least there's some drama on that four minute ride up to the top.
Sunland Park Race Track and Casino - There's an old saying among El Pasoans when people talk about how bad El Paso is to visit - "if your guests think El Paso is the shittiest place they've ever been banished to, take'em to Sunland Park for a spell..." The smoke filled casino that features only slots, and not enough of them, is not something you want anybody you want to impress experiencing. Well, unless they're from Kentucky and that kind of thing excites them.
The place is a shithole of the highest order and to be avoided anyone not seeking lung cancer. The food is mass produced from the worst of all pre-processed food providers ensuring that not only might you get a case of black lung while visiting, your kidneys and liver might shut down out of protest as well.
Casino Crown in Juarez- Pretty much all people need to know when it comes to why you shouldn't got to this place is the proper noun "Juarez." Not only is it stupid for the El Paso Times to suggest people go to that country for "fun," it's DANGEROUS! There are travel warnings from the U.S. Department of State in reference to Juarez that say, "You should defer non-essential travel to the state of Chihuahua. The situation in the state of Chihuahua, specifically Ciudad Juarez and Chihuahua City, is of special concern." Read them HERE.
Why not suggest people head to a foreign country mired in a cartel war? And let's double down on the stupid and tell them to go to a gambling hall/club where muggers will be lying in wait for dumb Americans carrying large amounts of cash. Shit - why not suggest USC fans go on adventure vacation and try to steal a load of dope from a drug lord for fun?
The rest of what the El Paso Times posted was silly and proof of their inability to see themselves from a different perspective. The last part about the Juarez sports book was just dumb. Make all the arguments that the violence has not spilled over and we can talk. However, nobody is dumb enough to argue that Juarez isn't a very dangerous place to be. It's even more dangerous for folks from nowhere near the border who have no idea what the place is all about and how to survive there. The El Paso Times will feel pretty shitty if some tourist get murdered in Juarez holding a copy of their article on "things to do" during their visit to El Paso for the Sun Bowl.
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Bottom line - the article reads as a checklist for young people as to why they should leave town. I read that and cried for a bit after I stopped laughing. It's sad that people in El Paso think that the real attraction to the city is anything on that list. It's also an example of why El Paso can not properly market itself.
I think the El Paso Times hurt the city's image more than the original article posted by some blogger (and idiot like me) on a site that gets moderate traffic did. The El Paso Times' response to the article played right into the blogger's hands. Typical... so typical.
But just wait till AAA baseball and the town will be the "go to" destination of the Southwest.
Actually, the area attractions are mostly not here and are more historical: Lincoln Billy-the-Kid stuff; Old Messila; missions; Three Rivers Petroglyphs; Carlsbad Cavern. Plus great hiking in the Franklins, Gila, and Guadelupes. But they are 100% not here.
There is nothing here but Mexico and that is a dump even when they're not hanging body parts from the bridges.
I agree with you.
Posted by: Rotten Peppers | December 10, 2012 at 03:27 PM
The best ad campaign Ive ever seen El Paso do was several years back with the "care to step outside" mountain biker commercials. Why did they get away from that theme? Those were the only ads that ever made this area look cool.
And yes rotten peppers, Baseball will connect UTEP and Downtown with a trolley route. Bars and restraunts will pop up along that route and ultimately define El Paso as an attractive place to come.
Maybe Juarez will be connected again one day as well....
Either way YES ...Baseball and Trolleys will be transformational.. I cant understand why you people cant see that???
Posted by: Trolley Guy | December 10, 2012 at 04:43 PM
Have been to 3 or 4 concerts at the Plaza and one a long time ago at the Abraham Chavez Theatre. Maybe I am tone deaf, but I loved it at the Plaza and will continue to go. I think the venue is beautiful, but would never try and convince anyone it is a one of a kind type of facility never to be found anywhere else in this country. In my opinion worth every penny to renovate.
Posted by: Ken | December 10, 2012 at 05:18 PM
"Either way YES ...Baseball and Trolleys will be transformational.. I cant understand why you people cant see that???"
Trolley; Has AAA transformed Albuquerque? Tucson? Those towns have a lot to see and do but I doubt people travel there for AAA. I agree with you that it would be nice if Juarez ever becomes human-inhabitable again, as it was the one of the few things here worth a visit to an outsider. Espcially if you're a 70s'vintage car fan.
Posted by: Rotten Peppers | December 10, 2012 at 06:01 PM
You dont go to cities like abq ep and tuscon because you want to u go bc u have to. the argument is thT now that we have AAA there will be something for people to do once they are here. the only cool thing to do in Abq was AAA the last time I went. That place is shitty! Horrible nightlife for a college town. Food not that great, only thing I liked about Abq was the highway beautification project there. Probably the nicest freeways I've seen.
Posted by: Greg | December 10, 2012 at 07:19 PM
Greg, you are clueless. Albuquerque is a great city, as is Tucson. El Paso is getting there.
Posted by: Tired of the nutty haters | December 11, 2012 at 07:37 AM
'The El Paso Times will feel pretty shitty if some tourist get murdered in Juarez holding a copy of their article on "things to do" during their visit to El Paso for the Sun Bowl.'
Best line ever LOL. I wouldn't go back to Juarez and I was born and raised here 35+ years.
Posted by: JAT | December 11, 2012 at 10:19 AM
The El Paso Times article has just two photos - an empty theater and a guy fixing the tramway. 'nuff said.
Posted by: Dan | December 11, 2012 at 10:46 AM
Tired of nutty haters,
Were you being sarcastic or serious? Because i went this summer and could not find a thing to do that was interesting. Tramway was ok but once youve done it thats it its not that great. Nightlife was so bad that the only full place on the strip was a strip club. We would spend hours on yelp trying to figure out what to do when we just gave up and settled on watching college football at some overpriced bar.
The casinos were cool i guess.
Did i miss something? Hahaha and dont get me started on tuscon place is like las cruces
Posted by: greg | December 11, 2012 at 05:50 PM
The only attraction in Arizona - Phoenix and Tucson is golf - and shopping in Scotsdale or Tempe Outlet Mall. Otherwise - not much to do there either.
I don't know why EPT didn't mention that normally we have great golf weather in the winter and a couple of nice public courses that USC and Georgia fans could play. But I guess they think all football fans are into culture.
Posted by: lslsls | December 11, 2012 at 06:46 PM
Greg, no sarcasm. Obviously our lifestyles are VERY different. I have four children. Albuquerque has a wonderful zoo, botanical garden, children's science museum (which makes Insights look like the dump it is), etc. We go there as often as money allows and we have a blast. Same with Tucson. Their zoo is little, but really nice. The Living Desert Museum is great. They also have a botanical garden that was rated in the top ten of the United States.
Funny how people see things differently.
Posted by: Tired of the nutty haters | December 11, 2012 at 10:31 PM
lslsls, you are wrong about Arizona. Really nice place to visit, especially in the winter. What is sad is that El Paso used to be ahead of Phoenix and we got left behind in the dirt. We are rising like a phoenix, though!
Posted by: Tired of the nutty haters | December 11, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Tired...
Touché I've always said there's tons of things to do here for people my age (mid 20's) but I completely agree with you about the family attractions. That's y my family with younger kids voted for all 3 bonds cuz they want a children's museum and for the zoo to expand.
If you put it that way then Abq is a good place to visit if you have kids. When we went for uteps bowl game a couple of years ago we were super bored. Haha
I've always know Tucson though (even as a child) as the city you stay in on the way to Vegas or LA because its cheaper than Phoenix.
Arizona as a whole I'd have to agree with tired. You have the Grand Canyon a ton of sports (which Phoenix has a downtown model ep should follow) and yes we used to be bigger and better than Phoenix ! That's what happens when you invest in your community
Posted by: Greg | December 11, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Out of 6 "Main-line Attractions," one is in another state, one is another country, and one is an empty building... Perfectly logical for a place as backwards as the 915.
Posted by: The Ref | December 12, 2012 at 01:04 AM
Greg, I try to remember my youth and what I looked for, and I can see why we have different perceptions of a "good time". :) That's where El Paso can be great. We can have something for every age group.
Ref, that is why the stadium is a great thing for El Paso. We will move forward. We just need to rid ourselves of the Planter Nuts group who want things to remain the same. So much so that they, especially Almond Joy Townsend and "I Hate Everyone who doesn't kiss my big a$$" Norma Chavez, will lie through their teeth and slander people.
Posted by: Tired of the nutty haters | December 12, 2012 at 08:06 AM
When my kids bring friends from college, they enjoy doing the outdoorsy stuff - hiking, going to the caverns, 4-wheeling in the desert. They refuse to take their friends to any local bar and I personally place Juarez off limits.
In other news, this article makes me laugh. At the end of the day, private entrepreneurs can pretty much out think any glorified tourism department whether it's city, state or federal.
"The great indoors of Missouri
Bass Pro's HQ store a bull's-eye for outdoorsy tourism
July 15, 2011|By Jay Jones, Special to Tribune Newspapers
Bass Pro Shops founder Johnny Morris stands at the entrance to his Big Cedar Lodge near Ridgeway, Missouri.
Bass Pro Shops founder Johnny Morris stands at the entrance to his Big Cedar Lodge near Ridgeway, Missouri. (Bass Pro Shops)
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — When asked to guess the most popular tourist attraction in Missouri, even non-Midwesterners probably could make some educated guesses.
Mark Twain's home along the mighty Mississippi in Hannibal.
The Gateway Arch, downriver in St. Louis.
The Harry Truman Presidential Library in Independence.
Good as those guesses are, they're all wrong. The single most visited attraction in the Show-Me state is a store — actually a megastore much bigger than the biggest Walmart Supercenter. It sprawls at the corner of Campbell Avenue and Cherokee Street in Springfield.
Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World "is the No. 1 tourist attraction in the state of Missouri and has been for several years," noted Larry Whiteley, Bass Pro's corporate communications chief. "We attract over 4 million people a year to this location, which is greater than the Gateway Arch or Silver Dollar City," a theme park in Branson. The more visited of those two, the Arch, gets about 2.5 million a year, according to the National Park Service."
Anyone else remember when Bass Pro was scouting locations and potential traffic in El Paso? As I recall, they didn't get a very warm welcome and sure enough the next store they opened was in San Antonio. (And for the record, anytime I'm in San Antonio, I do stop in to kill a few hours even though I rarely spend very much there.) Cabela's put the town of Buda on the map.
Posted by: dot | December 12, 2012 at 09:53 AM
Yeah the city council reps - the progressive ones - that don't know Bass Pro Shops or Cabela's and didn't understand how much land a store would need. They demanded it be put downtown or no deal. This is how completely ignorant some council people can be when they don't do their homework and study the issue. My family will stop at a Bass Pro Shop in Austin, Dallas, Houston, Denver - wherever they are. But - the progressives on council think everything should be downtown. They don't get it and they never will.
For all those El Pasoans that want downtown revitalized I say great - wonderful - have at it. Do your thing - and I will support your efforts - but don't cram it down my throat that everything MUST go downtown. Council - are you listening?!?
Posted by: lslsls | December 12, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Dear TiredoftNHaters --
Admittedly, I know very little about triple A ball, however, I did check the schedule on the internet and it appears there are no games until April. The big, expensive stadium, that's going to bring so much prestige, fun, and excitement to the locals and visitors is going to be closed (like the Plaza) during the Sun Bowl. When and IF it gets operational, will the EPtimes add "Driving By" the stadium to their list of "Things to Do in ELP" during the next Sun Bowl?
The Baseball Advocates seem to be putting all their eggs in one basket, and historically, that never works out.
Posted by: The Ref | December 13, 2012 at 05:04 PM
What a douchebag writer. I'm from the Bay Area, and yes, there's all kind of shit to do and places to drink. And its frigging expensive you clueless genius. El Paso has good, affordable watering holes. Idiots shouldn't try to write. I think you would be good at sucking up to politicians or asshole bosses.
Posted by: bob | December 20, 2012 at 04:44 PM